..hot in herre..

I'm so shagged from today
Had lotsa things to do
A handful of moronic projects
Calls to be due this week

I'm so very tempted to just get under the covers
But millions of things are racing through my mind
And right now time isn't my best friend

I've got to complete my project
At the same time
Spend time with my babyy boyy
Before he leaves
And not screw up a personal commitment

We chilled over the weekend
Went out pretty late last night
Then he surprised me with buyin me wallet
And I love it so much
It's so adorable
And he got me 2 wallets not 1
So that I can decide which i like best
Knowin how fickle i get when buyin a wallet
This wallet immediately screams gorgeous..
The wallet has the theme from the movie
The nightmare before christmas

Next we headed for some ice cream
Yummulicious swensens
Utterly sinful I tell ya
But hell it was good..
I could just salivate just thinkin about it

This post is so blah
Ahhh I need sleep..
Stupid projects
@#%@%^@^@%!!@#!!

11:09 PM;
and the camera clicked away

..finally..

I'm in love and not in like

A picture says a thousand words
Unfortunately our pic refuses to show up
So I won't tempt fate
And leave your imagintions to run wild

It only likes msn..
I guess it's shy..

I need you to be here..always
That's the only reason I have

5:43 PM;
and the camera clicked away

..amazing..

I caught 13 going 30 today
As much as I hate that man lookin human
I went along simply becoz I've not seen a movie in decades
And I just wanted to chill with my girlfriends
The show was alright
Thing was I realised my wallet fell in the cinema
I'm not so emotional over it though
However the wallet has been with me for quite a while
Just to darn lazy to get another wallet
Gene was getting irritated when we went for wallet shoppin
I didn't find anythin I like..
He apparently thinks alot of the wallets were nice
Maybe I wasn't in the mood.. too tired
Had alot of things on my mind

He did alot of talking
You know sometimes solitude is just so amazin
Just sitting there..havin music to accompany you
No one botherin you
I'm not sayin Gene was botherin me
But yeah I got to spend sometime by myself
While waitin for Gene to finish his thing
The scenery was gorgeous and the atmosphere was calm

I'm so tired..
Gene has apparently crashed already
He on my bed sound asleep
Look so cute
I guess he's pretty tired
It's not like life's been easy to him either
I feel like shit sometimes when
He does so much for me and I feel that I don't do much for him

When you found the perfect one
Something just has to crop up doesn't it

I'm fighting a battle with fate by letting you go twice

Ohh ohh I saw my cute short fella today
He gave me a big smile and a thumbs up
His cheeks were so rosy coz he has a tan
He makes me feel good..
But Gene's better.. haha

10:43 PM;
and the camera clicked away

She was crapping how she was gonna go US to visit Gene
And before I knew it he's back here
And it has been a month of pure torture
A month.. so fast..
Other than that, he's leavin in a week
Yes I'm back to square one
So I'm so totally looking forward to my next month of agonising torment

He wants to continue the wonderful times we had
And I'm so tempted to scream YES and just for once give my heart to him
But I've never been a fan of long distance relationship
It's just too difficult and not fair to both parties
Then again nothing is ever easy
And saying no will kill me coz he's the perfect one for me
And it'll be me turnin my back towards the best thing that happened to me
His fault are flawless and the way he makes me feel
Is undescrible..
Friends have even commented that if they were me
They would have married him by now..
It scares me so much that he can detect whatever I'm feeling
He knows what to do and say..
His promises are never empty..
And his touch is addictive
Not forgetting he smellssss so yummyyy.. haha
I sound like a freaking fanatic
He's the ultimate THE ONE
So tell me why am I walking away from him the second time

We celebrated his birthday today
Called up all his friends..major fun..
I'm so glad to see him so happy..
He was so miserable while he was away
He even loss weight
And being the chipmunk he was..
He ordered so much food and finished it all up
His excuse was.. He's storing the food for the future
Hak!
I bought him a watch
It was way past my budget but it was worth it
He loved it and well he looks good on his arm
I think I love this wonderful human being

To make this entry even longer
I passed all my midterms
Wohoo.. to think I was gonna flunk all
I even passed networking..the subject which 70% failures
All the rests were a B..
Life's been good..
Thank you.. you..

One more thing..
My ex mr hot guy..
He's being weird now..
Just when I gave up on him and moved on
He comes crawling back
And gosh..that feels so great
Coz I'm in control and I lovin it..

I couldn't ask for anything else better
Because my Mr Fantastic bought me the Swensen ice cream mooncake
To end off the day
If only everyday was like this
Let's just say..we're over the moon right now
We're finally over the damn moon..

10:45 PM;
and the camera clicked away

..obliteration..

I just came out of a loonngg shower
And I gave myself a relaxing splashing
By buring all sorts of aromatherapy while showering
A good scrub down..
Just thinking with water running down my face

I was just thinkin bout what happened earlier
As today I almost killed myself
I'm not kidding
You may be laughin your head off
But yeah I had a mental block
I just froze
And I saw the impending danger
And yet all I did was continue movin
Towards it..
It was like I was sleeping or somethin
If I was still caught in the mental block for another 2 secs
I would have been gone.. seriously
And the thing was I wasn't panickin or anythin
It's pretty hard to explain
I guess this was an awakening of some sort
But yeah
Sarah was freakin out after that
And I was pretty much alright after that
Even as the images flashed back
I'm numb..
I don't like this mental block thing
It's pretty darn hard to remember everythin but
It was way too close today..
It sounds weird when Sarah told me what was happening
Ironically queer..

11:44 PM;
and the camera clicked away

..ouch..

Just to prove how much I'm suffering
I've got an ulcer for the last 2 days
That is so big and looks deep
That when I put some ulcer gel
It bleeds.. it farking hell starts oozing blood
Painnnnnn..

It hurts so much to eat and drink..
Ouchiieee..

10:40 PM;
and the camera clicked away

..what in the world...

Oh my gawd
I have no idea what is happening to me
Lemme tell you what type of guys attracts me
Tall..fair..nice neat haircut and clean shaven
Now today..
I fell for a guy who is firstly
Shorter than me..ok 1 cm..
I know 1 cm only but still..my gawwddd
Ok he is fair..ok 1 tick
Next..he has messy hair
What the hell..
Then next comes the best part
He has facial hair
And I was just looking at it sideways
And it is sticking and looks so pokey
Like ouchhh..ahh
What is going on..shorter..and facial hair
Urrghhh..
And he rides a bike..a scrambler..
Goosshhh buuttt he can drive
But he prefers his bike..
Sheesh boys and their toys..

1 thing that made me burst out laughing was when Dan said
Hey at least you were true.. you like him for the inside not outside
Despite his outside looking atrocious...
Haha eeviiilll....
And I had to add in..
He doesn't look atrocious..just different
Hahah weirdly different..

9:31 PM;
and the camera clicked away

...I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For..

I have climbed highest mountain
I have run through the fields
Only to be with you
Only to be with you

I have run I have crawled
I have scaled these city walls
These city walls
Only to be with you
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for

I have kissed honey lips
Felt the healing in his fingertips
It burned like fire
This burning desire

I have spoke with the tongue of angels
I have held the hand of a devil
It was warm in the night
I was cold as a stone

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for

I believe in the kingdom come
Then all the colors will bleed into one
Bleed into one
Well yes I'm still running

You broke the bonds and you
Loosed the chains
Carried the cross
Of my shame
Of my shame
You know I believed it

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for

I know I did
But I let it go anyway

11:27 PM;
and the camera clicked away

..uh oh..

Just to show how uncoordinated I was today
After a week from break
I first of all didn't bring my tutorials
Next.. I brought along a pencil
But with no lead
Not to mention before that
I had such hard time looking at which classroom to go
I was starin at my timetable
And yet I couldn't tell which floor I was supposed to be at
And then later on I realised I didn't bring my wallet
And somehow the clock going in clockwise direction
Looked awfully weird
Hmm and I started at 1 today

So imagine the horror of toms
When I start at 8 with networking..
I might not even find my way back home for all I know..

5:57 PM;
and the camera clicked away

..research has shown..

They said couples tend to come out stronger
After the occurence of an affair
As they tend to communicate better after the ordeal
That just shows that I'm a quitter

Fark it
Where the hell did my 1 week go
I sense 7 weeks of impending torture

My fish keeps staring at me
What's wrong with them?!
Don't they know staring is rude..

1:13 AM;
and the camera clicked away

..secret..

It would be so nice to have things go your way
To get what you always want
And actually end in a happy ending like fairytales

I would why do they make fairytales
Why do they always have a happy endings in the movies
And why it's always so far away from reality.
Who actually wrote fairytales
And did they write fairytales because it was something they actually went through
Or was it merely something they were wishing for

It has been almost a month
And there has been not a day
When I don't get reminded of him
His smell, his smile his touch..
God I miss him so much
It's an emotional torture
And putting this mask of I'm fine
Is so tiring..

My patience is running out
And I might once again give up
The one thing that I thought was everything

12:18 AM;
and the camera clicked away

..Midnight sins..

Muching on  a cheesecake at the stroke of midnight
Isn't very healthy or so I've heard..
But hey if you're gonna much something after midnight
Might as well just screw those calories and
Savour every bite of it..

I was craving cake today
And my untold warrior got me some
Heh.. I'm a spoilt kid
I know..I feel so bad sometimes
Still takin money from my daddy-O..
Geez..all I can do is cut down on my expenses..

I'm supposedly to start my projects on durin this term break
And lookie it's friday and what have i done
Nothin..absolutely zilch..

You know sometimes people look back on their lives
And say..man what have i accomplished..
And they find nothin..
Well if you were to look at celebrities
Yeah they got fame and earn tonnes of green
But see if everyone accomplished something big
Wouldn't it come down to nothin in the end
Get what i mean?
See if everyone got fame and fortune
Then what's the point of having it if everyone has it
I guess I'm alright with being a norm
Though everyone would like some fame or fortune
Some time in their lives
Would you give it all to be constantly followed and watched?
To always need to be perfect in everyone's eyes
And that the whole world knows you broke up with whom
Or whom you slept with..
Maybe the green does make up for it in the end

12:23 AM;
and the camera clicked away

..undefined..

I have nothin to say
And yet I want to blog

It's getting incredibly hot these days
And it sucks even more when you
Just happen to rot away at the couch
And at the same time find yourself sweating
Urrghhh...

Maybe I should read..

10:18 PM;
and the camera clicked away

..disposed..

New layout
Well not exactly
Just played around with the colors and positions
Creative juices aren't exactly free falling this moment
Still tired from the trip

Trip was alright
Didn't shop much
Since I didn't know what I was exactly lookin for

Sheesh it's already wednesday
I can so totally see my much awaited term break
Go fly so faster than the F-16 jet plane

Borrowed 4 books last week
Haven't touched them at all
I totally lost the reading mode
Urrghhh
Coincidentally the 4 books
Happened to be 4 different shades of purple
Hmmm..

12:38 AM;
and the camera clicked away

..bon voyage..
 
I should very well be in bed this very sec
Coz I have to haul my arse at 4..
But knowing me
I just finished packing
Sometimes travelling can be such a hassle
Ok more towards packing
I just came to realise that I need so much things
My accessories outweighs my clothes..

I got something in the mail today
It was from Gene
*sweet*
And it wrote top priority delivery
Hehh

Sometimes I miss him so much
And I torment my lament self
By drowning myself further with songs
Songs that brought so much memories
But I know I can depend on him
But just not him being physically here
Is the hardest battle I'm fighting this very moment
But hey..in life you win some..you  lose double
Just remember that once you actually won something
And that feeling can just take you over the mountain..

I'm actually over the moon now
Beat that..

I think I need sleep..

1:18 PM;
and the camera clicked away

..untold warrior..

Wire is finally in working order
Moronic person gave me the wrong wire
Wasted hours just to get it to work before

Midterms were tough
I'm not very confident..
Dad planned a trip to wash my sorrows away
Sometimes actions do speak louder than words

I had a dream my dad passed away
I got to say kiss him goodbye and he left with a smile
I saw his soul rise and I cried so much that night
Even when I woke up I was still crying
Fark it I dunno what I'll become if he actually did
He's my untold warrior..
I love you daddy-o..

I'm in shambles thinking about it..

10:00 PM;
and the camera clicked away

..speechless..

I sense your need for someone
And I want to be that someone
To just grab you and hug you for the longest time
Then I look back to see what we've been through
And I am reminded why..
You disgust me yet I cherish you
But my heart's all numb as I say this
So would be believe what I just said..
This doesn't make sense..

blah..

12:18 AM;
and the camera clicked away

..changes..

I want you to know that
I want to be there for you
I want us to be like before
I want you to be able to confide in me
But unfortunately things change or more like people change
And I have to accept it and move on

I started back my bad habit of biting my nails..

you're my sweet dream when i can't fall asleep

11:51 PM;
and the camera clicked away

..blank bling bling..

The best way to make me hate that
Fits like lecturer is to set the paper to major crap-o!
Didn't know what the hell they were asking
A definite F..
Stupid moron..I want my lab tutor to teach!!

I'm tempted to surf aimlessly online
Coz toms calls for networking
Urrghhh..

6:14 PM;
and the camera clicked away

..conversation..
 
Seekster:
I said i love you to her & she kept quiet
Do u think i said it too soon?

elfMafioso:
Considering it has been 9 months
And you guys are pretty serious
I guess its alright

Seekster:
Then why didn't she say anything?

elfMafioso:
Did you expect her to say something?

Seekster:
Sorta.

elfMafioso:
So u rather she be forced to say i love you back
Then truly mean it from her heart?

Seekster:
Of course not.

elfMafioso:
Then i don't get your intentions of saying it

Seekster:
I just said it to tell her so that she know i'm serious about me and her
That i'm not fooling around
What did he do when u said i love you?

elfMafioso:
I didn't say those 3 words to anyone
Only to Guy when i was visiting him
Cause he was after all the one i remembered most

Seekster:
You mean you've never said i love you to all ur exs?

elfMafioso:
Nope

Seekster:
Are you serious?

elfMafioso:
Y? Is there a need to?

Seekster:
You mean you didn't love any of them

elfMafioso:
Well not love love but yeah i didn't like to use that term
Coz i've never felt it from my heart
That's y i didn't like it when i hear them using it
I just felt that it's so overused that i rather not use it
Or maybe on someone i truly loved..

Seekster:
Even with Gene you said nuthin despite being together pretty long?
Didn't you love him?

elfMafioso:
Nadah..Well i would be lying to say i didn't love him
Let's just put it that he holds a special place in my heart

Seekster:
Did Gene say it?

elfMafioso:
Yeah..

Seekster:
Now i know how he must have felt

elfMafioso:
Don't be a turd! Firstly he didn't expect me to say anything back
Not like someone!

Seekster:
Bitch

elfMafioso:
Hahah but you know i love you

Seekster:
HA Ha HA don't remind me of that 3 words

elfMafioso is me..and seekster is.. well seekster
Somehow the tables got turned around
And I'm left to do some thinking..
Tell me I'm doing the right thing..

3:18 PM;
and the camera clicked away

..tick tick..

I feel like clubbing this very second
I'm so tempted to leave right now
And party my ass away and
Go to school looking very shagged

10:55 PM;
and the camera clicked away

...fark it..

I'm so farking pissed right now
I went to get that screwy wire cable
And it's so farking expensive
For one stupid USB cable wire
68 freaking bucks
For that single dumb looking wire
And well after my frustration
It doesn't farking work!
Fark u nokia!
I've downloaded tonnes of shits software
And it's still as screwy as ever
My god I'm so pissed...
ARRGHHHHH
*screams*

5:40 PM;
and the camera clicked away